Thinking about ‘Mental Health’ and ‘Enlightenment’ this Morning Listening to Fleet Foxes
I do not speak as an “enlightened” person with all the answers. I am just an ordinary person, and I like that way.
Who am I? Is it important to know? I’m just a person, a stranger you walk by like every other, or maybe a passerby in the street, . . . seemingly flirting with you. …I should focus. I have a simple job, when things were normal atleast — and a simple contemplative life as I like it. I am highly skeptical of and scorn what I see as the “allure and illusions of social media.” My little sister shows me TikTok clips often, and for the life of me I just cannot understand that thing. I am not entirely anonymous though. It has nothing to do with self-esteem, I just care nothing about putting my face everywhere and constantly looking at my face. I am someone who believes that our inevitable future is a Cyberpunk, neo-noir world of Blade Runner. All I want is to be heard to spread my work, the ideas and those ideas of others. This is all I care about. I am a mere man at my home office desk, sipping some high quality chai tea, beside my books, my music, anime, drawing, and my Libre Office Writer tab on perpetual open. Never have I ever claimed, because of what I write, that I am “enlightened” or something. I have been through many things like yourself and any other people. We are all mortal. We “try.” The trap of writing about the things I do, is that it seems to bring with it, in the idea of some persons, that I must think I know better than the “Prophets,” the scriptures, and so forth! This is why I never talk about my personal experiences. How ostentatious of me right? Well, what reactions can one expect, being aggressive as I feel I must be. I am fighting for things just as anyone else. Two nights ago, I was contemplating about politics and law however, saying “how do these liars on social media get so many followers?” and thinking what are the things I can do to earn my credibility. “These people are insane! Hmmm. Should I study up on somethings and one day enter regional politics? Neh.” I was thinking about life in Congress for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and what she deals with. I could have had that life, but I became a very politically pessimistic and socially-conservative person, and refused to talk politics. I began to stay away from it as much as possible. But, I do not wish to bore you about politics. I am getting my mind back up under me — you know, the things that originally inspire you. Everyday, I think of ways to improve. Here is something to take with you — the term “theosophist,” like “activist,” does not imply a kind of finality of knowledge and destination. It implies what you engage in and with and what you study and aspire to. I have never claimed to be a proficient in what I study, nor do I say you have to be one to engage in the discussion.
Now, a little over a year ago, I was a complete and utter emotional wreck. I will not discuss it. It was many things that came to boiling point, and perhaps my inability at the time to understand my entire life’s unshakeable, indescribable sense of profound loneliness, feeling unwanted, or that feeling like you were not meant to be here. Now, how can anyone possibly know if they were meant to be here, yet that was the afflicted thought. I can only say, I have been far more sane and happier today, especially in understanding that loneliness. I am not totally free of that loneliness. Feelings come in cycles, quite minimally now, and I use them to study my mind. They can creep up and overtake the mind and body in a time of crisis if you’re not careful. It seems for a year straight now, I have gotten better at maintaining fine balance. Many years ago before that though, I had gone through a spiritual ordeal far worse, hence I am always observant of my emotions in times of crisis. Although, in comparison to the overall mental condition then, today . . . I am more healthy and strong. I mean, really mentally strong. I am clear-headed and there is no fog — that was common. It is better I should think partly, because of my life’s simplicity and my family. I love my sister very much. That is also why. She was the real reason why I first created this idea. There is much more to do.
Today, I just want to thank my old friends who saved and helped me then, whom I have not since properly thanked.
To you. Thank you Joan, Diana Z., Mariya & Joshua.