While we could agree the landscape of dating and marriage is difficult for Black men to contend with, and that having fathers in the household and stable families are vital, you must then get into behavior, duties and roles. Alot of Black men are part of their “household,” but what do they contribute, and how are they raising, disciplining, encouraging and rearing the children? Like tyrants and hyper-masculine men? I really wonder why some people don’t listen to the things they say, when providing solutions that are reactionary against what they feel is a clan-type matriarchy in the Black family and community, and in what they’d argue, a Western gynocracy.

Due to these perspectives, I cannot agree with those Black men, who say, then deduce, there is a homosexual conspiracy implemented by White people to “destroy the Black family,” and derive a solution for the new essential role of the Black father: to counteract homosexuality and “effeminate men.” Then, some women have this belief as well, fearing the future generations of Black children, so both these types seek to root queerness out. You have old gangster-types calling certain Black men effeminate, and other Black men calling thug-culture effeminate. These are multiple sides accusing each other of making Black men weak. It is a misleading belief, that having more fathers in the household would magically fix things, without really thinking through how.

In my view, this rationale exhibits irrationality, emotionalism, fear, and impatience. Having “fathers in the household” is not simply enough, and again, many Black fathers are in their child’s lives. I really hate getting into arguments with White Conservatives about this, that are telling me about Black fathers not being in the households, because of what their special “Black friend” and Black men say about single Black mothers to them. I would not complain and voice our specific issues to them.

Many of them listen to us, use what we say, then they exploit the conversation, especially intellectuals like Ben Shapiro, who use statistics, but know nothing about our stories and experiences. These “fathers in the households” could be utter deadbeats, abusers, etc. . .It is like how White Traditionalist Conservatives idolized the 1950’s nuclear family, but they never bring up the dark side of this era, and what led to the 60’s rebellious generation. They merely critique it.

Many Conservatives try to paint the Black community as actually Conservative, bigoted Bible-thumpers, even segregationist, and homophobic like many among themselves. Conservatism is appealing to certain people in our communities, but because there are not many Black people in the States that are Right-wing or in the Republican Party, less are witness to the reality on the other side of the political aisle, and are subsequently unlikely to have experienced how sly, ignorant, miseducated, inexperienced, racist, and beguiling the Right really is. It may also be seducing, because you believe you could change them, or you could have some impact. You can’t, and not only are they entrenched and defensive in the beliefs they already have, like some White Liberals who can be patronizing, they do not like to really listen, or be told they’re wrong by a Black person, because they’re trying to please, genuinely gain friendship, or curry favor, and fear a conflict, or dispute. So, I know some of you may feel stuck having to choose between two strict political dichotomies, but be cautious of the directions our rationale, or logic take us unconsciously, especially regarding politics and social opinions.

This is where Philosophy comes in. We do not have a singular fixed traditional model to return back to solve our issues. We are going to have to question, develop and create them ourselves, and think carefully as to who and how your theories and solutions would affect people, and marginalized communities within our spaces.